Bathroom Selfies

I never expected to get so far behind in my OOTD posts, but my life grew incredibly busy recently as I started the process of buying a home. I have a lot of complex feelings about becoming a property owner, both what it means to critique capitalism and participate in it in this way, and because it means I've really firmly made the decision not to pursue any jobs--academic or otherwise--outside of my hometown. I'd be lying if I said that decision didn't somewhat scare me. But I'm also excited, and I think it's the right decision for me. I love being near my family, and I've wanted a place of my own for a long time. The capitalism critique is outside the scope of this blog, but allow me to point you toward Enough where they specialize in that. I will continue to detail my rampant consumerism in regards to fatshion here.

What I'm most excited about when it comes to my new house is turning a small spare bedroom into a walk-in closet. It is going to be pretty incredible, and I promise to share photos here.

Now for a roundup of some outfits I've been wearing. I've been taking daily selfies in my car and in the bathroom at work, because it feels like too much work to use my DSLR, and I decided that something is better than nothing. Maybe once I have my own house (and fenced-in yard! I will take selfies w/o shame once again.

All dresses but the last one are from eShakti. The golden sweater is from SWAK Designs, and the final dress is from Old Navy. 

I have a lot of really wonderful dresses, but I want to challenge myself to wear skirts more. I have so many skirts and cute tops, but I never think to wear them. I don't know why.

What I've realized during this first month of teaching is that I hate trying to dress professionally in hot weather. Give me a cardigan and tights, please! Even wearing jewelry feels uncomfortable when I'm sweaty, so I just end up feeling underdressed and underaccessorized. Also, I've had a lot of stress and pain lately, and it is really difficult for me to feel put together when I feel like crap. But this is the longest I've sustained dressing nicely every day I teach, and at four days a week, that's saying something. My body has changed a lot in the past four years, and clothes fit differently for me. I have lost weight in my chest, and gained it in my stomach, and so my dresses hang differently. It's tough to navigate my feelings about my changing body and the fact that for 12 hours a week, 25 students are staring at my body. It's uncomfortable, and they laugh and whisper about me when I turn my back to write on the whiteboard. I know some of them aren't laughing at me, but I've overheard some of their comments, and it's difficult to hear and remain impartial towards them. These students are so much more disrespectful than I've had before. I'm focusing as little attention as I can on my teaching while still doing a good job. My new motto is "I'm a better teacher when I care less," which sounds horrible, but it means caring less about the rudeness and the texting and the bitchy comments and the insubordination and recalcitrance. I focus on the ones who work, and do my best to deliver a good lesson, and I leave my problems (though, unfortunately, not my grading) in the classroom so I can focus my attention on my personal life.