Today was a much better day, but I still long for colder weather so I feel more comfortable in my clothes. Tights and cardigans and other layering devices are very important to my personal sense of style, so it is difficult to know how to dress professionally for the heat.
Here are two outfits I wore, one from last Wednesday, when I first developed my migraine, and one from today.
Top: Old Navy
Cardigan: Lane Bryant
Skirt: ASOS Curve
Shoes: Bass
Glasses: Warby Parker
This outfit demonstrates one thing about my style that I often take for granted, but which others always remark upon: color. I love color, and I love mixing colors together. My ex-wife used to call me an accident in a crayon factory. I admit this was a wilder outfit to wear on the second day of teaching, but I just got the shirt and the skirt from recent orders, and I thought it would be a cooler alternative in the hot weather than the black pencil skirt and black top I was planning on wearing.
This is what I wore today, which is more in line with the kinds of outfits I feel comfortable wearing to class.
Dress: Simply Be
Shrug: Evans UK
Shoes: Old Navy
Pardon the wrinkles. I took these after I got home and was sitting sweating in a hot car trying to find my keys.
I actually love this dress. I would prefer to wear it with black tights and maybe a different cardigan, or no cardigan at all, but when I went bare armed into the classroom on Friday, my students saw my tattoo, and got very curious about it, and wouldn't stop asking questions. The tattoo, pictured below, is a pretty obvious queer tattoo, and it's one I want to get covered up, because it seems very second-wave feminist to me, very gender binary, and I also got it when I was with my ex-wife, so while it was not a tattoo about her, it definitely reminds me of her.
The students, some of whom I suspect are gay themselves, were all in a twitter about the tattoo, and class was quite disrupted. I want to be a loud and proud queer, and I want to be open about my fat acceptance and my disability and not ashamed, but I also have an anxiety disorder, and since I already had a migraine, my number of spoons was depleted, and I simply didn't have the energy to deal with my students' probing questions. It seemed easier to just wear the shrug to cover my arms. I forget about the tattoo a lot of the time, but when my students asked me to tell them about it, I said, "I don't think that's any of your business." Which is true. But I fear that response gave them the wrong impression—that I feel there's something about my identity I need to hide. It's one thing to say I want to be open with my students, and it's another thing to face the anxiety of coming out to them. I know as the semester goes on, I'll have many opportunities to reveal my sexuality and gender identity to them in a manner of my own choosing, but I hate feeling a loss of control in the classroom, and this definitely felt that way.
How do you deal with explaining your body modifications in the classroom? Do you come out to your students?
4 comments:
I wonder if you might consider the idea of bringing up the tattoo again later in the classroom? Maybe look for an organic opening (a conversation about identity?) or just begin class with it one day. It might be a way to demonstrate that YOU control the flow of discussion but that you're also willing to discuss more personal concerns of that nature. It could create some interesting conversations.
You look gorgeous in that combination of colours!
I worked as a TA in a gender studies class, and I got comments from students on my evaluation form about me 'flaunting my tattoo' (I have a very large back piece, which shows when I wear almost anything that does not cover my entire upper back.)
I feel like it is a balance between your own safety and stability (I wasn't risking tenure by challenging peoples assumptions about 'correct' academic dress as a TA.), and your desire to say 'fuck it'. There is no right answer, it is entirely up to you. Personally, I like teachers with tattoos and body mods. It makes me admire them for fighting the good fight and being who they are. But if you are not super comfortable with the message your tattoo is sending, that is something important to consider.
On another tattoo note, I also have two memorial tattoos that have to do with my brother who committed suicide last year. They aren't his name, so I am able to choose the situations that I want to tell someone about him. If a stranger asks about them, I will say something like, 'oh I really like ocelots and mason jars', but if a friend asks, I may say 'My brother's initials were J.A.R, and so I got the mason Jar to remind me of him'.
You could say that you really like hearts and feminism, which would shut down conversation. You don't necessarily need to come out, and that tattoo does not necessarily 'out' you. You'd be surprised how dense people can be sometimes when it comes to assuming everyone is straight. =)
I like your tattoo, instead of getting it removed, what about getting a cover-up piece. I find that when people try to remove big tattoos, they never fully fade and it is SO expensive. What about getting something like a floral half sleeve that isn't so political and doesn't remind you of your ex? I think a half sleeve would look great on you!
Hello! I was really excited about your blog when it started last fall - enjoyed reading your stories and reflections, looked forward to more. Curious to know what happened... too busy to blog? other writing commitments/priorities? insufficient or negative feedback?
Anyway, I hope your year of teaching and classroom fashion decisions went well, and I still have this blog in my RSS feed in hopes that you'll post again in future!
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